Monday, April 15, 2013

Cultural differences

   I told you before about Vivian. She is the reason why i succeed to transcipt my marriage certificate, either way we might have never found out how a nigerian birth certificate look like. She left Nigeria with the same flight laste december. She was coming to get married with a Romanian man. We changed phone numbers and i later called her and we kept in contact. I almost envied her for the beautifulwedding she had, for the beautiful pictures i saw on her facebook. At first i was her only confident and i was surpised to see the same problems that occured between me and my husband at the beggining of our relationship. Vivian, the prettt slim girl was as  consumed with jealously as i was. She was thinking he is talking about love with other woman . that he was meeting other woman , and so on because she couldnt understand romanian language. And is today that i relise that his name is also Alex...what an irony, 
              I tried to convince Vivian that she should.t worry , that Alex is not cheting on her. I was thinking its obvious from his behavious that he is trying to make her happy. Later Vivian told he she never knew that Alex was going back to work and she will be left at home for afew months with her mother and father in law.
            Because  she came to Romania with a 3 months visa and they assumed they  couldnt make the doccuments in time ,  they booked a flight tiket for Vivian to  go back to Nigeria and renew the visa. Vivian told me that she wanted to stay longer in Nigeria because she cannot stay in the house with her mother and father in law because they were becoming unbearable. She said that immediately that she was alone with them, they changed the behaviour.
          There was no food in the house. Vivian said she wanted to learn romanian language but they took her only once to the lessons. I was surprised to find out that the man that did so many efforts to bring this girl in his house and make her his wife, can change so easily.
           Later i found out that the mother in law was forcing her to divorce her son, and Vivian signed the divorce papers without even knwoing what she is signing.  They told Vivian that they will give her money, buy her a flight tiket, that her husband doesnt want her anymore and that she should go back to where she came from.
            I couldnt understand why this happened, what were his reasons to change his behavious so drastically in such a short time. He even made a tatoo with her face on his arm. I though maybe he needed some money and made a wedding to gain some money. But how much can you make in Romania from a wedding?
            When i first met her, Vivian mentioned the man she was goign to marry has a wife. And i thought to my self :How is that? She also said that her father has 2 wives and she is coming from  a fammily with 12-13 brothers. And i was imagening that because of growing up with this type of fammily she will not be jalous. Then i find out he was divoced and had a son. And because the man was visiting his child so aften, Vivian was suffering, being jalous on him keeping a close contact with is ex-wife. And i thought i was the only jalous person arround.
        I was angry when i found out what was happening to Vivian. She was afraid that something will happen to her while sleeping. She wasnt happy to stay and do nothing all day. from what she said to me. She was waiting for her husband to send the money that they will use to book her tiket and go back home. But she was ashamed to go back home and tell her people what happened to her. She was optimistic about starting a new life. One of these days i called her and she did not pick the phone. Her mother in law called me back and i spoke a little with her, She was on the way to the airport. By the time i remember to call her back, it was the mother in law that answered the phome and told me that Vivian divorced her son , that she couldnt accomodate  with life here. What?
        She complained that she was savage and that she was lieing alot. She was spitting the food that the mother was cooking and didnt want to learn romanian language. She supposed to come back from Nigeria in april but she came back 9 days later without the cloths they have bought for her with empty bags and no money. damm.... i guess the truth is somewhere in the middle....

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